I posted this on Facebook the other day but with my Mom having a heart attack and wanting to scream at me (as she should) I took it down. I am STILL having little adrenaline kicks from this moment so I just have to share. I don't think my Mom can scold me on my Blog like Facebook and have everyone "like" her yelling at me :O) Sorry Mom. Love you...
I left for San Francisco at 4:30am & started my drive. Uneventful, peaceful, it was boring actually and I was awake enough. I've been going through a faze over the past several weeks where everything is so comfortable & normal that my inner something or another feels a need to sabotage it. Maybe it's because I am used to chaos from my married days. Maybe it's because I feel a need to always keep moving and going and changing and evolving and things have just been peaceful and consistent for almost a year. I haven't quite pinpointed the cause but I am guessing it's a medley of all of those and then some hidden demons and skeletons in my closet of disarray. Whatever the reason, I chose to face them a few days ago, address them, talk to someone and not continue the Rhiannon pattern of systematically disassembling good forces in my life. Hello, I am an artist. We crave a little drama here and there.
With all of this psycho babble info, I am on my drive, feeling level and serene. A few hours deep and I pass Cherry Blossom field after Cherry Blossom field. It's an exquisite scene. One I wish I could share with someone, anyone. "Gosh someone needs to see this"Wait....helllooooo...I call myself a photographer...my Nikon is in the back of my SUV. I can take photos of the pink blooming trees and use them for composite ethereal shots in the future. Blinker on and I cut across the grass divider to the other side of the freeway. Kids do not try this at home. There is a no trespassing sign. There is a wire gate around the fields. There is a ditch between me and the gate with poison oak, I think, and thorns, so so many thorns. Leaves of three let them be-no Fck that! Leaves of three stomp on them with BOOTS! I run back grab my Ugg boots and resign to the fact I may get itchy and will certainly bleed. The night before in a freak accident at dinner with Mr. Means, the soy sauce dish flew off of the table, shattered and a piece of ceramic hit my foot like a bullet and cut me. Deep. I didn't realize yet. "Crap there is Soy Sauce all over my foot" But the soy sauce was dark crimson red and dripping down my ankle. It wasn't stopping. Where is the soy sauce coming from? Oh wait. I excused myself squishing in my Flo Ho flip flops all the way to the bathroom slipping in my own blood. There we no less then four women to my aid in the bathroom helping. Ok I do not want to live in a world of Cats anymore, Humans can be kind too.
What's a little more blood I thought and trekked through the ivy. Pants poked, scrapes and scratches, I made it to the gate, wiggled inside and had my way with the Cherry Blossom field. She didn't know what hit her.
Feeling so excited and proud and dreamy thinking of the beauty I now possess in my Nikon, I packed her away and closed the trunk. Not hard enough. As I got back on the Freeway the back of my SUV flew open and I see one suitcase fly out and hit the side of the road and my camera bag flew out and landed in the middle of the freeway! THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY! The machine that makes me money, the tool to display my creativity, the machine that FEEDS ME is now sitting in the middle of the FREEWAY!
Without thinking, without logic, lacking sanity I stopped my car jumped out and ran in the middle of the freeway towards my Nikon. She was about to be crushed by an oncoming Semi truck and about eight cars. NOOOOOOO!!!! I ran, HARD & FAST! Recalling when I ran track in high school I sprinted in a body no longer built for sprinting. Waving my hands hoping the cars and semi would see me, I looked from my camera bag to the vehicles and back to my bag. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN!! There is 5k worth of equipment in that bag! I have so many clients and forgot to bring a back up camera! I was playing chicken on the freeway on foot with an Army of automobiles heading toward me! What the Fck have I gotten myself into??? But this is ME. It hit me later. This is what I do to myself. I need this drama sometimes conscience or not I breath things into existence because I ask for it. Regardless of the lessons and realizations I would have later, in that moment, I felt super human. I knew I could do it! I would think of nothing else. I will get my bag. I will make it there before the truck, before the cars. Remembering slide practice when I played soft ball when i was younger, all of the scrapes and how my Mom would complain she couldn't get the grass stains off of my white pants. I dipped low, scooped the strap of my bag and tossed it and myself to the side of the freeway. I was flying, airborne. The semi turned off the cars pulled over everyone running towards me with my sweatshirt now open and my hair stuck to my sweaty face panting and I haven't been quite the same since.