The little blog post I debated if I should take the time to put thought to paper, but I keep hearing the same themes over and over throughout the lives of gals & guys so I thought it worth a reminder to us all. It doesn’t matter if you are dating, boyfriend and girlfriend or married, this rule applies to EVERYONE.
Let this sink in. Really understand what this means.
DO NOT MAKE SOMEBODY A PRIORITY IF THEY ONLY MAKE YOU AN OPTION
Did you hear that? Did you understand that? Let me rephrase to help you out:
YOU ARE NOT A BACK UP PLAN AND DEFINITELY NOT A SECOND CHOICE
You would be surprised how many people are suffering from the SAME issue you are! It just has a different face a different look. But it’s really all the same.
I am the LAST person on Earth who is an expert in relationships. The LAST. I tend to pour an enormous amount of my energy into my Art and my work so I’ve been a bit relationship stunted when it comes to choosing the right person to share my time and energy with. My Dad has joked with me, “ I am so proud of your talents and your go getter attitude but man the guys you choose. I never wanted to say anything but I was always thinking…what is SHE thinking?” He was right. I can laugh about it now.
Not so long ago I was frustrated and bursting needing a change. I knew I was spending my time with the wrong person. I had actually known since day one but let it ride out of a comfortable laziness of not wanting to face what I really wanted in a partner.
Taking a step back, evaluating myself, my patterns and getting some real good therapy to face the marriage I once had and I never speak about or dealt with (literally half of my life total) really put things into perspective of why I perpetually chose the wrong people.
In interacting with friends and clients the same running themes come up. Either they are treated as an option or they themselves are treating someone like an option. I am not talking about the single ready to mingle group, tinder binder, plenty of fish, grinder, hey here’s a pic of my D want to meet up group. Yes that shit really happens. I am talking about the in the thick of it you’ve spent some intimate meaningful moments together group. If you are BOTH into the treating each other like an option when you are both dynamic and amazing, then cool, hop from lawn to lawn because the next one just has to be greener. So, so green that grass. The Greenest grass you’ve ever seen. Until you visit everyone’s grass and now you are 88 years old and have run out of options and then ooooooops all of the grass dried up and there are no more grasses for you to visit and you’ve spent your time comparing and searching because you are just so damn amazing. What a healthy Ego you have. We hope it keeps you warm at night.
Now, for the rest of us.
- For the girl who is only asked out on a Monday night at 5:30pm by the man she is dating.
- To the guy who is given two weeks spans of when the girl will hang out with him and only hears from her at 2pm or 2am. (I’ve done that; it means I just wasn’t that into the person)
- To the wife or husband who can’t get a hold of their wife or husband because husband and wife are out with, who knows, maybe each other instead of with you…
To ANYONE and EVERYONE who feels they are giving, giving, giving, while being thrown scraps and fucking crumbs, WAKE UP! JUST STOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! You are NOTHING MORE THEN AN OPTION! Stop being an option!
But how you ask? How will I meet someone else?
It’s math honey. This is SCIENCE.
Do you understand how many people are on this planet? Do you understand how many people are in this country, in your own city???? There IS someone who WILL NOT make you feel badly for showing your affection. There IS someone who will not play games with you or expect you to play games with them because they need to feel like they are hunting and you are a challenge. Since when did you become a wild boar? YOU have to decide what is acceptable to YOU. What it means to not compromise what you truly need in another person, at your core and if it means stepping away from what is currently in front of you then SO BE IT. You cannot open yourself up to a possibility of someone else much better suited for you if the person who DOES NOT DESERVE the air you breath is occupying your time and your space. THEY ARE TIME LEECHES. Would you go into a lake knowing it is filled with slimy disgusting leaches? Then why are you with one?
Make yourself available to the universe by shutting down any of that selfish negative behavior you have allowed.
And see what happens.
WHEN SOMEONE TREATS YOU LIKE AN OPTION, HELP THEM NARROW THEIR CHOICES BY REMOVING YOURSElF FROM THE EQUATION.
IT’S THAT SIMPLE.